What are you afraid of?

I can tell you a couple of things flat out. First, I hate heights. My head starts to spin, my stomach somersaults, and I automatically imagine the worst case scenario... falling. This picture was taken leaning over the 8th (really 12th) floor railing of a beach condo building.

I am TERRIFIED of what lurks beneath the relentless waves of the ocean. I constantly replay the image of a shark's fin breaking the surface of the water in my head, and contemplate the worst that could possibly happen.

I got the picture, and I swam in the ocean every day this weekend.

Why is that?

My heart thudded and seemingly almost erupted from my chest, but I wanted the shot. I wanted it enough to put the fear aside and accomplish my ultimate goal. The fear of a shark attack haunts me, and almost debilitates my ability to enjoy the vast, majestic body of water. However, I need the thrill it gives me. I seek the adventure. I love the freedom found in overcoming a fear, even if it's momentarily.

How often do we let our fears dictate our day to day actions? Heights and sharks are two minuscule (but very real) fears that I possess, but they nowhere near define me. They are easy to identify with and even more easy to poke fun at. However, I'd be silly to say they were my biggest fears, or that I allowed them to dictate my life.

It's difficult to articulate our deepest fears, because often, we keep them from ourselves. It frightens us to come face to face with something that others may judge us for, or that we beat ourselves up over. We think we shove them in a storage closet in our brain, only bringing them out when a situation dictates. We don't realize the huge role they play in our day to day lives, or the repercussions of allowing them to do so.

I am afraid I will never live up to my full potential. How does this hurt me? The time I spend worrying about not utilizing my talents is time I could spend doing so. I get so tangled in the web of self-doubt that I lose sight of who I am and what I could be doing for others now. What if I am studying the wrong thing? What if I don't know what job I want? What if I make a wrong decision or turn that could lead to me blowing out the candles on my 90th birthday cake wishing I had led a different life? When I worry incessantly, I am not practicing good faith in my own ability to make decisions, or in the One who has the ultimate plan. I will not know my future until it happens. However, I can still live out my values every day.

I am afraid others don't understand me. I feel my deepest thoughts get trapped inside my head because I'm not willing to take the time to explain them to someone else. I subconsciously feel that ultimately, no one will ever understand me better than me, and I catch a glimpse of hopelessness. It seems irrational and unfair to others in my life, but it's true. As a whole, I feel I'm open with regards to communicating my ideas and feelings... but maybe I hold back sometimes when I shouldn't.

I have a fear of letting others down. My father always told me the competition is with myself. I should want to put my best self forward not just for other people, but because I want to as well. However, it's so draining to suppress my need to make others proud of me that often times I don't. I cannot entertain the thought of disappointing someone who cares about me. It literally breaks my heart. The problem does not lie in not wanting to disappoint others... it's what I think may disappoint them.

I have moments where insecurity peaks its head out, and I question how others view me. Some of it is physical, but just as much the way others interpret my personality. This monster cripples my ability to be my own motivator, and that flat out hurts. However, more times than not, a thought flashes through my mind and exits just as quickly. It's the few moments I dwell on that are debilitating.

I'm scared of developing a mental illness. This is the most personal fear, and it stems from growing up with a parent who ignored hers. I constantly question my intent behind decisions, and reflect on how I handled situations. However, I have full faith that the people I have placed around me would help me across that bridge if I came to it.

We all have fears, and we all have different reasonings behind those fears. Understanding them is important, and confronting them head on is even more so. Ignoring or tucking them away does nothing for you in the long run.

I've been contemplating my fears recently. It stings to expose myself to their raw and unforgiving nature. However, I'm doing it. Why? Because I want something badly enough, and I know they stand in the way of seeing my dreams come true. I love feeling free of their chains.

I have not reached the end goal, but I have cast the vision. I've not completely confronted all of the faces, but I've got meetings planned with each.

Is it possible to be fearless?