This blog is dedicated to unveiling parts of myself that many don't know exist, and quite frankly, I typically wouldn't want you to know exist.

But alas, when one must "find out who they are, and do it on purpose" (to quote the lovely Dolly Parton), one must confront everything... and understand how some of those very weaknesses can also be one's greatest strengths.

I am argumentative by nature. If I'm passionate about something, you'll know it. I'm intensely loyal and will fight for what I believe in. I will debate relentlessly and pick apart your argument until I'm satisfied I have the better one. I enjoy being right, and have a hard time accepting when I'm not. I rationalize everything, and get defensive when I think others question my ability. I can come across as cocky and competitive, and my personality is direct and in your face. I take on a lot of responsibility because I know I'll do it right. I'm the girl in class who always puts in her two cents because she values her own opinion. I'm not afraid to do what I think's right, even if it means cutting ties.

I am insecure and constantly think about the way others perceive me. I've never been completely comfortable with my body, and always try to "fix" it. I spend more time envying others than appreciating my own assets. I get nervous before introducing myself, and I'm usually scared to go up and shake someone's hand. It takes me forever to get the nerve to call people over the phone if I don't know them well. I feel like I'm about to throw up every time I speak in front of a large group of people. I'm self-concious when someone's evaluating me, and have to force myself to not get embarrassed by criticism, even when it's constructive.

Who I am is confusing and contradicting,

and I will never apologize for any of it.

Perception is reality. Many think I'm cocky and way too self-assured, but I'm constantly thinking about what you think of me. I'm insecure in more ways than one, but I always seem to push them aside and get the ultimate goal accomplished. My personality is loud and demanding, but it's just who I am. I'm not either of those to oppress others or make them feel invaluable. I talk through things to understand them, and I speak often in class discussions in hopes of triggering others thoughts or opinions, not overpowering them. It's not that I value my own opinion more than others; I want others to refute my opinion so we can have a discussion. I want to really understand my own arguments and why I believe them, and I can't do that unless others articulate their own, therefore forcing me to further articulate mine. I am extremely enthusiastic and incessantly passionate because I love life and everything it has to offer. I'm loud not to be overbearing... I'm loud because I'm excited. I want to make others around me feel valuable, beautiful, and worth it, because I understand what it's like to not feel that way.

The Caroline I was in high school is a completely different Caroline than the one I am today. Or... maybe I'm just finding out who I really am.

As I learn more about myself, I learn more about others and how they work. I'm understanding the way others perceive me a little better each day. I no longer pick fights to start arguments anymore. I realize when it's appropriate to fight for what you believe in and when you should let things slide. I value teamwork exponentially more, largely because I trust others more. I value what they have to bring to the table, and understand that it takes multiple personalities, strengths, and interests to make something work. I understand that I may have good intentions, but they still may not be the best option. I love conversation and talking with people... but it's just as important to listen. I can't flat out tell you that I love everything about my body, but I can tell you I have a big heart, and that's more important.

The ugly parts of myself are only ugly if I allow them to be. The facets of myself that may be a little less than smooth around the edges have brought to this very moment, and I wouldn't be who I am without them. Your greatest weaknesses can be your greatest strengths. It's all a matter of how you use your personality... there is no changing it. You are who you are, and there is no apologizing for it. You shouldn't have to and you shouldn't want to.

I'm constantly in search of who I am. Often times, my brain is a jumbled mess of thoughts... just like this blog post. Slowly but surely, I'm unraveling the tangled yarn of who I am, and if I'm patient... I'll eventually get it straight and be able to use it.