The music is loud, so loud that it sends vibrations through my body. I'm swaying side to side, my heart and mind racing. There's a constant buzz of people in the background, but I can only really hear one. And then, it happens. "From the state of North Carolina..."
I can't even tell you how often this happens. It's almost as if the scenario is on repeat and I'm not controlling the remote. I try to picture the moment after my name is called, and I never can quite get it right. Nothing I can imagine, including crying, jumping for joy, or screaming, can even come close to how I know it would feel if the dream were real. But, my vision doesn't stop there. I picture my loved ones in the audience... the people who have experienced my relentless pursuit of a dream, and have been there for every step of the way. I also think about the members from North Carolina sitting in the audience. How would they feel? They haven't heard "From the state of North Carolina" in 15 years. I want to hear it. I want them to hear it.
Here at FFA camp, we have a building that houses articles of history important to our state association. They have old manuals, paraphernalia, caps, and pictures. But, one set of pictures keeps me coming back. I remember the first time I saw them. It was my very first summer of camp, the summer after my freshman year of high school. Around a large, fixed FFA emblem sit 13 pictures, many faded and tarnished with time. Amidst the pictures is a 14th spot, a reflective piece of metal with the words "Your Name - National Officer" That first summer, I examined the sole 13 national officers from North Carolina in awe of the men who wore a jacket with nothing on the back. Yes, men. There has never been a female national officer from North Carolina. Looking at the pictures today, five summers and a whole plethora of experiences later, they still stop me in my tracks. I zone out, and someone presses play. I'm swaying, and the music's loud...
It's a strange feeling I'm not sure I can articulate. In October, I'll have the opportunity to join the 13 men who surround that FFA emblem. The largest dream I've ever had may come to fruition. I could serve half a million members, members of the premier leadership youth organization in the country. Wow. It literally takes my breath away.
Sitting at FFA camp gives me time to reflect, the whole purpose of this blog. Last night, I had the opportunity to sit down and chat with two people who have impacted me significantly, each mentoring me in different ways... whether it be knowingly or not. After the conversation, fireworks erupted across the sky, and we sat on the pier taking it all in. I couldn't help but get lost within myself, thinking about who I am and how I've gotten to this point in my life. I couldn't have done it without people who have mentored me along the way. Good mentors answer the questions. Great mentors ask them.
I've learned so much in two years, and the most valuable thing I've learned? Keep on learning. I value growth, and it stops me dead in my tracks when I evaluate my own. Oh how far I have come. I once was a "shy, introvert" who had no idea she was neither of those things. I once believed I had to force myself to talk to people, and that making conversation was hard work. I was unknowingly lying to myself. I had no idea what actually gave me energy or got me up in the morning: people. It took someone else to point it out, and that started a whirlwind of self discovery, personal growth, and reflection.
It is so important to have someone who knows your heart, and whose sole intention is to help you grow. It's important to have people who have your best interest in mind, and for you to understand that. Seeking constructive criticism then becomes something you want to do, rather than something you're offended by. When you get over your own desire to be perfect and let your defensive nature slide, you can benefit tremendously from the teachers in your life. Too often we rationalize things and refuse to accept the fact we could be better. But, there's always room to grow, and when you also know your mentor's heart, it makes that growing process fulfilling... and much easier.
I have said it many times and I will say it again... the FFA is not who I am. It is by no means my life. FFA did, however, help me discover who I am, and undoubtedly instilled within me the value of personal growth. It also brought me to people who want to see me thrive and be the best I can be, and the self awareness that came with that is something I want others to find.
Every person is beautiful, talented, and inspiring. Sometimes they can't see it, and most of the time it's because they haven't looked. They need someone to believe and care enough to not just tell them... but to get them to see it for themselves. Every person deserves to show who they really are to other people. Every person should let their light shine, and when that happens, you give others permission for their's to shine as well.
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